Updated: Mar 13
(This 'Part One' was written on June 19th 2022, exactly one year after the 'incident' I was writing about took place. 'Part Two' will be completed and published in due course. I am unsure as to why I am called to write about this time in 2021, for I know it seems intense and readers may question my sanity, lol, but this is my truth, so be it.)
All of my close friends here in Canada, and a handful of my family members in England, know that for most of 2021 and I was in a pretty bad place. Strange things had started happening while I was working with my clients while doing Reiki or massaging them, I'd started to cry, sob, shake and tremble when I worked on clients' bodies.
The first time this happened was with a client who had experienced a huge amount of physical medical trauma growing up, and as a result of that had had a lot of emotional suffering and pain in their life. Honestly, I started to cry the second I put my hands on the top part of their back, then pretty much didn't stop crying till the massage was over, 90 minutes later.
But I felt sure they were not my tears, though, they were theirs. I'd also begun shaking and trembling when connecting with the energetic blocks that I found in my clients. The shakes ranged from little trembles in my arms to full on leg shaking to full body spasming. And the tears ranged from a few seconds to minutes of sobbing and wailing.
And last but not least, and this was the scariest or strangest bit, I had started uttering what I sensed were words of some kind, but I categorically was not saying these 'words' intentionally. The words often sounded Asian, and the same phrases were coming out, again and again. I thought maybe I was speaking in tongues, but I had no reference point for this to be honest.
I spoke to my Reiki teacher about this 'voice' when it first appeared and she told me that it must be my spirit guides coming through. Honestly, folks, I didn't know what to think at this point, but I knew that I personally wasn't saying the things that were coming out my mouth.
All the energy shields I'd tried to put up around myself when doing energywork were not strong enough to stop their energy, or spirit's voice from coming through me, if that's what was actually going on, so I reached out to a woman who I knew to have a high level of knowledge about psychology, about the spirit world and about
being an empath, and about somatic healing.
One of my fears was that it has something to do with me possibly developing schizophrenia. Hearing my worst fear from someone I knew, was preferable to hearing it from a Dr or psychiatrist. I had no idea what would happen if I went to my doctor with my 'symptoms'. Maybe I would be diagnosed with schizophrenia? I'm sure there would be high level mind meds wanting to be pushed my way, all kinds of assessments, and who knows... a stay in the psych ward? I didn't think it was schizophrenia per se, but I sure as hell didn't know what the fuck was going on.
'Susan' (not her real name) arrived to my work space (I call it my 'shop') after she had finished whatever she had been doing. It was June 19th, 2021, a year ago today. I sat in my chair behind my desk and she sat on my red leather rocking chair opposite me. I shared with her what I was doing with my work. Then it was time to bring up the bit I was most confused about... the speaking in tongues and /or the possibility of me channeling a spirit guide, or spirit that might have somehow attached itself to me.
I had named the main spirit who I believed I was channeling, 'Missy'. It seemed to work as a name, at least till I knew her real name. I know, I know, it's laughable. I'd be laughing if I was reading this, or worrying about the author's mental health, lol.
As I was trying to explain what I was talking about I started to cry and then the shaking started. After a few minutes of listening to Missy talking, I started getting pains in my abdomen. They came in waves. Pain... Then no pain... Pain.. then no pain. They got strong enough, and I was crying enough, that I had to lay down on the floor.
I'm not sure who realized it first, me or Susan, but it became apparent that the pains were like the contractions that a mother in labour would go through. I've had three babies so I knew that this felt very, very similar.
Susan and I were wondering if Missy was showing us how she had died. Maybe she had died in childbirth? Maybe it was something connected to my shop? Was she a woman who had died during childbirth in the basement of the building I work in?
At a certain point during this contraction 'episode' the contractions stopped. I was relieved, but it didn't last for long. I then found myself wanting to push like during labour you have to start pushing your baby out.
During my first pregnancy in 1999, my only concern about the labour itself was, 'was I going to be able to recognise when it was time to start bearing down?' 'How would I know that 'it was time'?' Any woman who has given birth vaginally knows exactly when that time has arrived. So, there I was, on the floor of my office, bearing down. Not pregnant, no baby inside me, just me going through the physical motions of delivering a baby, infront of a woman who I didn't even know at the time if she liked me or not. What the actual fuck was happening? Surreal doesn't even begin to describe it.
After the bearing down had finished, and I'd been able to collect myself. This was like, 10 minutes in total, Susan suggested that maybe I had to help this spirit pass over. What? What did that mean? How does a person do that? I kinda had no choice in the matter cos I didn't know what was happening, I was just going with flow, and allowing whatever was going on to unravel. I might as well just follow her lead. Susan had remained ultra calm the whole time, and obviously wasn't phased by all that had been transpiring. And if she was anxious about the situation, she was sooooo professional and kept her anxiety or stress hidden from me.
Sitting on a stool, with my eyes closed, I focused my thoughts to mentally taking the hand of the spirit who had just passed, and imagining us both walking to the light, which by that time I could see in my head. I thought I saw the shadows of a couple people in the light. It was vague. I was crying and in a state I'd never been in before. Susan told me to encourage the spirit to pass over. I did. In all honesty I was sad to say goodbye to Missy, she had become part of me. She had been an unexpected, but quickly welcomed visitor in my life, for a few months. But I'd accepted that maybe this was where it all ended.
I consciously walked backwards, away from the light I could see in my mind's eye. There was a sadness around it, knowing that this could be the end of it's all. I think I was looking forward to not channeling Missy's words. There's a certain amount of heaviness attached to being the voice of something you are unsure about.
I opened my eyes, and I was able to breathe easier. I have no idea what Susan was thinking. I don't even know what I was thinking. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during that whole thing. Or even better have recorded all that had just transpired in my shop. Susan did say that at one point she had the urge to record it on her cell phone, but then had second thoughts. She knew that I wasn't in my right mind to have consented to that. I appreciate her morals during all of that, but now there's no record of what happened, so in hindsight I think I would have been ok with it being recorded.
We sat quietly for a few minutes. We tried to make sense of it. We had both experienced something that I'm not sure we will ever understand fully. We can only guess as to what we'd just been through. A couple minutes later though, Missy started coming through again. She was still with me. Either I hadn't helped her pass over properly or it wasn't Missy I'd helped go toward the light.