Updated: Feb 4
(Started this post at 7am this morning. I'm publishing it without having anyone proof read it. So be it. I'm just sharing thoughts. Save and publish!)
At the start of the pandemic my main offerings were Reiki (with or without massage) and prostate massage. My client base was about 20% female / 80% male. This difference in sex/gender was understandable because, as I saw it, there are many, many Reiki practitioners in Lethbridge where anyone can go for Reiki healing but I'm pretty sure I was the only person offering prostate massage as a way to improve the symptoms of having an enlarged prostate, erectile dysfunction and their overall relationship with their own sexuality.
Then as my focus shifted to de-armouring massage (the intentional removal of energetic blocks through massage and bodywork) I found more women were booking healing sessions with me. It was slowly dawning on me that if I was getting such good results helping men with the issues in their sex life, and the general health of that area of their body (Root & Sacral Chakra) and their overall sense of clarity, then maybe I should look into how I might be able to start helping women in similar ways.
Two summers ago, I was introduced to the idea of living a Tantric life after attending a local Tantra workshop here in Lethbridge. I'm admitting here now that my understanding of all things Tantra, its history, its intentions, and subsequently the intricacies of Tantric massage was very limited. It's not that I misunderstood Tantra, but I could say I was ignorant (in the truest sense of the word) to the power of trying to live everyday with an open heart, and the idea that everything in life is Divine, including all the seemingly 'dark' moments and experiences a person goes through, and the purpose of Tantric massage.
So this time last year I took an online course in Tantric Sexual Alchemy which really opened my eyes to this ancient healing modality that originates from Hindu, Buddhist and Taoist traditions and philosophies. The instructor was inspiring and extremely knowledgeable. He made a very complex subject accessible to us all.
After that course I read as much as I could about Tantric massage. I realised that I had intuitively been using many of the techniques involved already and it was at this point I started offering TM to my prostate massage clients sessions. These sessions had the intention of raising kundalini Shakti (the feminine energy in us all) up through the Chakras, to open them up and to connect more fully with themselves, their own body, their higher selves and to the Divine (the Universe, God, their Higher Power) resulting in a higher state of consciousness.
I'm very grateful to those who trusted me during this period of exploration and experimentation into TM. But still I wanted to help more women with their relationship to their sexual centre and their own sexuality, if at all possible, but my practical experience with women's bodies was limited. I accepted this for what it was, which was a lack in my knowledge and experience. I knew I needed help to navigate my desired expansion into dealing with female bodies and their healing. This was when I decided it was finally time to seek out proper training.
In September last year I enrolled on a two month Tantra course with five other students from across Canada and the US. Level One was held online and Level Two was an intensive in person course in Vancouver. Level One taught us how to use Tantric techniques to start the journey of healing ourselves, and Level Two was for those who were considering wanting to learn the techniques to use on partners or clients.
I was fortunate to be able to do the in-person part of my training with my classmates from level one. We had become close over those eight weeks. We shared our stories, transformed our shame into life lessons as we forged intimate relationships with each other by the mere fact that we allowed ourselves to be as vulnerable as possible. Surrendering to the experience of that course was transformative for most, if not all of us.
My time in Vancouver was where I was finally able to learn about working with female bodies. Again, I was so lucky to have such a good teacher. Olivia Jade iis a wonderfully compassionate and wise human being, and made such heavy material so easily digestible.
During one of the practicals Olivia needed one of us to demonstrate yoni de-armouring and massage on. Yoni is Sanskrit for the genital area of a woman, it means 'Sacred Space'.. I'd had a yoni de-armouring the year before which resulted in some very deep healing for me and so didn't want to pass up the opportunity to be 'worked on' by someone who was so experienced in this type of healing. You see, I know that I have some major blocks in this part of my body. I also know why I am so blocked there and what these blocks have resulted in over the years. The half hour or so as Olivia's 'demo yoni' was even more cathartic than I ever could have imagined. I thought I'd agreed to it because I was the least worried about being naked and vulnerable in front of the other students. No. I think it was divine timing and the Universe gave me the opportunity for some healing for myself.
The saddest realisation in all this was that I am female, I have a female body, I am 46 years old and it took me till committing to a two month course in another province to learn about myself. I knew so little about my own body, how it works, about the possibilities and benefits of having a fully functioning sexual reproduction and arousal system. I wouldn't go as far as to that that I was ashamed of my lack of knowledge of my own body but maybe frustrated it had taken me this many years. In life, we don't know something until we know it. And now I at least I know more.
Completing the Tantra practitioner course means that now I know more, it means I started my own journey towards having a better relationship with my own sexuality and my perception of myself as a woman in my own right, as me as and lover and as a reciever. It aldo means I am better equipped to help the women (vulva owners) when they come to me seeking my help to reconnect with themselves, to experience the feeling of receiving and being fully present in their own body… something that not everyone knows how that feels.
The potential healing power that resides in a person's sexual energy, their 'Shakti' is huge. That energy needs a body without blocks, without traps, without being weighed down by shame and guilt. Shakti can work her magic when she is flowing freely in a body that is open and ready to receive her power.
Healing sessions that incorporate Tantric massage focus on removing those blocks, on activating that energy and moving it around to reap the rewards of more flow and connectedness.
In the recent past I have had more female clients compared to male. They range from their mid twenties to their mid seventies. Some clients have been clients of mine for a number of years, others have found me by word of mouth and others by first seeing me for Reiki healing. They have come from different walks of life, originating from different parts of the world and all lived very different types of lives. I've listened to their stories and worked on their bodies. Many stories have been heartbreaking, some more so than others, some have resulted in me understanding my journey in a deeper way after doing some self reflection.
One overriding truths that I have learned from the women, and men, I have journeyed with into the realm of Sacred Sexuality, is that when it comes down to it, our relationship with our own sexuality and all that encompasses, is of vital importance. Our Sacral Chakras and our Root Chakras are intertwined so deeply that it impossible to separate the 'sex' of a person with the 'person themselves'. We are the sum of all our human experiences as sexual beings and as human beings moving through our lives in reaction to our past.
I know that my journey to finding more peace within myself over the past couple of years has had a fuck ton to do with me facing my shadow side. None of us are ALL love and light. We all have a dark side. Parts of our journeys are in the shade or in the pitch black. It has been me accepting all the ways my darkness shows up in my life and by trying to integrate those parts of me and thus change my narrative. Tantra embraces the light and the dark in each souls journey because it is all Divine. Carl Jung's thoughts about trees being able to grow tall into the light only if their roots grow deep into the darkness underground has helped me feel better about the shit that I've had to dig so deeply for surrounding my life and my past.
We are Divine creatures and we can harness the healing powers of Goddess Shakti and her union with Lord Shiva (google this cos I don't want to have to explain this at this moment) if we want to. Life is about giving and receiving, it's as about getting help from others but knowing at times there are things you have to do alone. It's about being comfortable with your own light and finding comfort in your darkness. Life is about a lot of things, eh?
Ram Dass, in one of his lectures I was listening to a few weeks ago from the late 60s, said that we are all just going through life, trying things out, seeing what works and what doesn't, so that when we meet someone needing help we can compare notes with them. I loved this idea. So yeah, if by reading my Friday's musings and sharings, and reading my other posts about how I work with Spirit ( not something everyone is gonna be ok with), if by reading my 'notes' you are interested in journeying into YOUR sacred sexuality with me as your guide, knowing full when I am still on my own healing journey in this area, please get in touch.
Anyway, I'm waffling now.I've covered a fair bit of ground in this post. Sometimes I do a good job of ending my writings, writing a conclusion of sorts and bringing things together in some kind of coherent way, other times I'm at a bit of a loss as to what needs to be said. I should stop writing and deal with my smoke smelling living room. There was a fire in the building next to where I work on Tuesday, and now everything that was there is at my house. Nowhere to call 'work' for a few weeks. But that's okay. It will give me some time to focus my energy on other things for a bit.